my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
