maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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