He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I party with great urgency now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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