hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
