im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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