It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
