Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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