who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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