nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
