I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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