The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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