So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
