wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
