Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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