are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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