last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
