u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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