he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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