when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
