Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize