I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
