My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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