Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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