Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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