eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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