there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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