I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
