thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
