I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
