if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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