Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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