Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
