Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
