TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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