Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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