Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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