4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
