Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
