i was born a porn star she said
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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