Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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