You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
