Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog

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(773): View more from Illinois

If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.

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(905): View more from Ontario

was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?

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(806): View more from Texas

Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.

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(719): View more from Colorado

As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?

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(775): View more from Nevada

I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying

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(919): View more from North Carolina

At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?

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