i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
