I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
