i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
