I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
