I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize