I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
