I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
