Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
