I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize