That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
