I just made out with a guy for $7.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
