the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Let's paint friendship bongs
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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