Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
