rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm getting married
To pizza
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
