Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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