Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
