i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
