My cat gives me a boner
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
