I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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