Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
