i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
