Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
