He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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