is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
