He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
